Matthew 18:15-20 is an important pericope. The context of Jesus’ words here is very important. It follows Jesus’ encouragement to us that he will leave even the many who are doing well enough to help out the one who isn’t, and it precedes his encouragement to forgive people forever and for always. Matthew 18:15-20 talks about the church and how we are to get along with each other and it can also be extended to how we should operate in the world at large.
Matthew 18:15, “If your brother or sister [adelphos: fellow Christian] sins, [hamartanō: misses the mark] go and point out their fault, [elencho: help them feel conviction] just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.” Paraphrase: If someone does something wrong by accident or design, kindly help them see their error in private. If they understand and are willing to chat, the matter is solved.
Believe it or not, you will probably have a disagreement with someone sometime. Believe it or not, you will probably have a disagreement with someone who goes to a church or even this church sometime. And, believe it or not, you will be wrong sometime – really, it is true. I don’t know if that has happened to you ever yet or not but it might… and if it does this is how Matthew says we should receive help from each other:
If we accidentally or otherwise do something to someone, they should come and chat with us about it. They should let us know what we have done -just between the two of us- and if they do, the matter will be settled.
This is one of the most basic steps in morality and ethics. This is a key aspect of a Christian lifestyle. If a Christian (and I would say any decent human being) has a problem with something someone has done, they will go speak to them directly – one-on-one. This is important. This is one of the things that define a decent human being. Think of what the other options are:
1) Do nothing. This cannot be right – ever. As I paraphrased a quote often attributed to Edmond Burke in a letter to city council the other week, "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph in the world is that good men do nothing."
2) Gossip. Gossip, of course, is evil. Gossip is included in lists of attributes of those who deny God. A prime example is Romans 1:29b-32 where it says, "...gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death...."
When we are faced with someone who is struggling against sin those are our only 3 options: 1) Tell others about it; not them. This is gossip. This is bad 2) Keep your thoughts to yourself; this is abandoning others so that they are consumed by sin. This is bad or 3) The right option: talk to the person to their face. This is what we are supposed to do when we are Christians. And the reason the Bible gives for this is that the person may see the error of their way, repent and then all is well. Another reason for speaking to the person directly is that we may be wrong – they may not actually be trapped by the sin that we think that are.
The next step in extending God’s love to someone trapped in a sin (once it has been established and assuming that everything isn’t resolved after you have spoken to them in private) is to bring someone else along. A second person can hear the story, make sure there are no misunderstandings or miscommunication, and they can help you convey the love you feel for the person that you are hoping and praying will be delivered from whatever this sin is that is dragging them down.
And then the third step -assuming the first two steps haven’t freed the person from their sin- is to go to others who love them, other members of the congregation, good Christians whom you and they trust, the Church, and invite them to engage your friend in a conversation in the hopes that they will be freed from whatever the sin is that is dragging them down.
And, if that doesn’t even work, after that - step 4 -you still don’t give up on them. You give them even more grace.[1] You know that you expect more of some people than you do of others. You expect an 18-year-old to be more able to do things than an 8-year-old. You expect someone who has been on the job 10 years to be able to do more than someone who has been on the job 10 minutes. It is the same with Christians. Don’t give up on someone just because we think they should know better. If they aren’t acting like they know better than it is unfair of us to have the expectation that they do – no matter how long they have been coming to church! (How long we have known someone is no excuse for us to treat them poorly) We understand that sin can entangle even long-time Christians; so, we should show the same patience with them as we would with those who are brand new or not yet in the faith (this may involve suspending soldiership or a denominational equiviallent), who we do not expect to know any better.
Verses 18 and 19 then encourage us to not give up on our friend who is trapped in sin because whenever 2 or 3 of us are gathered (as in the example above) as long as what we are asking is actually on behalf of Jesus (in His Name), God will grant it; so let us not give up on one another! [2]
Peter hears all of this about restoring someone who has sinned against him and he says, in effect, ‘whoa…okay; but how long do I have to do this?’ ‘How long do I have to keep supporting this fellow to help him out of his sin?’ ‘How many times should I go through these steps with someone before I just say forget it – seven times? ‘No’ Jesus says, ‘seventy times seven times’. This is important we aren’t supposed to write anyone off (possible exception being the apostate); we are supposed to keep loving them away from sin and towards salvation.
I will read again Jesus’ parable that he shared with Peter to express this point, Jesus says:
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
This my friends is what the Bible says about Church discipline. This my friends is what the Bible says about holiness. This my friends is what the Bible says about love. This my friends is how we are all supposed to treat each other – be patient with each other in affliction (specifically here sin); do not give up on each other; and forgive one another always and forever.
We are supposed to love our friends enough that whatever it is that they are going through (sin or otherwise) that is messing up their life we will do everything to try and help them and if they hurt you in the process – forgive them; and if they hurt you again, forgive them again; and if they hurt you again, forgive them again. Do not give up on them. Keep gathering together and praying for one another. As we stick by each other like this, as we help each other like this, as we love each other like this, surely we will all get to heaven and when we do what a day of rejoicing that will be.
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